Good Morning, Beautiful~
Sharing these words from a woman who speaks what my soul has wrestled with in this season…disappointment. In this season of fall…where the leaves teach us the beauty of letting things go, of finding new beauty in purposes changed and of learning to share the struggle of my story so that it might shout of God’s goodness and grace….it’s here in this season that my dis-appointment actually becomes God’s appointment.
Disappointment often arrives when we least expect. We see the possibilities, the potential, and we get our hopes up. We pray. Seek God. Get into the Word. Know He has great things planned for us. We believe we’re called, loved, valued, capable. And we easily claim that for those we love too.
There’s a reasonably expected outcome we all live life with, right? But if “it” doesn’t happen in our time or the way we thought it could- it should- that can leave us let down, deflated, hurt, confused, and bruised.
In my life, disappointment has felt like the walls of Jericho–like being called to march around them in simple obedience, to keep doing what I know to do, obeying the voice of God in the smallest of things while facing the biggest of things. Walls so thick, so high, so powerful, so towering, never budging, never caving, rising up in arrogance as I circle in silence and tears. It feels quite foolish to keep “circling” the same old circumstances, I’ll admit.
And yet one day, a shout is brought forth, a divinely orchestrated symphony of desperation and declaration. All at once, the hushed season gives way to victory, like a torrential tidal wave, overtaking the lack with a relentless, overcoming force. Every step of obedience prior creating a pathway, a well-worn ellipsis of trust in Who is unseen but often revealed in the secret space of obedience.
First Peter 5:10-11 has given me a truth to cling to when I feel like the disappointment isn’t buding, changing or relents. It says, “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
Near misses. Seemingly swung wide opened doors that ended up slamming shut. Deals that feel through. Being overlooked. Not asked. Hearing a “yes” that transformed into a “no”. No funds to pursue the dreams. Triumphs on one hand with lost opportunities on the other. Those disappointment must always bow to the conquering power of God. And no person, gift or power of my own two hands can bring this restoration. Only God can.
Did I do enough? I could have tried harder. Why didn’t they pick me? People don’t like me. I blew it. Why does she get all the breaks? The self-talk can be relentless. A swirl of lies and contradictions. A feeble attempt to figure out the why behind the decisions of the Big Guy.
But lately, I’m learning to ask myself:
In what (or whom) am I really placing my hope? In the outcome? The result? The dream or the job or another person? Or is my hope in the Giver and Provider of all those good gifts?
Just maybe, those walls I’m marching around and hoping to see fall are establishing a foundation of dependency in me that an easy path could never create. Maybe those walls that won’t give way to my present desire are making a way to greater things I have not yet tasted, didn’t even know exited.
How I handle disappointment, rejection or let downs generally determines my next steps. And I want to handle it well. I don’t want to short-change or short-circuit what God has prepared for me on the other side of those walls I just can’t bring down.
I don’t often do it well. But when hope is placed simply and completely in God-instead of the desired result or outcome- disappointment cannot truly destroy my hope. It cannot thwart God-given purpose.
Dis-appointment is often the path to finding His appointment.
So I keep telling my fragile and discouraged heart…
His provision will always exceed my best laid plans. For me. For them. For you.
His provision will be more than enough, is more than enough.
Even when people let me down. Even when I let myself down. Even when my job or that long dreamed of outcome crumbles to the ground. Even if it all falls away tomorrow: His promise is true.
‘For I know the plans I have for your’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you’ Jeremiah 29:11-13
Hallelujah! I can rest in His appointment instead of living in the land of my disappointment. He will restore every single thing I think I and those I love have lost. And guess what?
It will be better than we can fathom.
Disappointment will not master me. His appointment will. I may speak it with shaky voice, feeble hands lifted, and a heart desperate to believe beyond what I see and feel in the moment. But I know His provision will always exceed my best laid plans. Always.
Believe oh tender heart, Believe.
Career Adventures & Life Learning:
So in this season of wrestling with disappointment, of choosing to not let the march around Jericho make the walls within me go up, of begging God to show me His appointment in the midst of my dis-appointment…He provides and I sit humbled.
This job search has been a journey. 10 months of putting myself out there, of applying, of interviewing, of telling my story…of rejection, of a “yes” turned into a “no” because this little thing called COVID-19 stripped the hospitals of all their funds and left them desperate, of waiting and watching and wondering, of losing hope and begging God to see me in this struggle.
This story feels so much bigger than any words I have…but, friends, God has provided. Not in ways that I ever expected and in ways that I am still learning to accept, but He has provided. I accepted a RN hospice position and will start their new graduate residency program in early November. I will support people through the process of death and have the honor of hearing their stories and learning about their passions. While my dream of being a labor and delivery nurse and this reality of being a hospice nurse stand on quite opposite ends of the spectrum of life, this role of hospice nurse will teach me the value of life itself and will soften the walls and bring HOPE.
*Started trying the Curly Girl method to get my hair healthy and promote some curl! This Come Clean Shampoo has been an essential part of the process, deep cleaning my hair and removing the build-up of products, creating silky, smooth hair. If you’re looking for some products to help bring your hair back to health, this is a great starting place and can be used with a moisturizing scrub to enhance health.
*Essential Oil Goodie of the Week: Vanilla Essential Oil– oh my goodness! Young Living finally just released vanilla essential oil with their Christmas collection! So excited to bring this oil into our home and throughout our holiday recipes!
Love on your people & keep in perspective your beautiful legacy in light of eternity.…
Love and Blessings,