Even if…

even if it hurts                                     You are still God & Your ways are good.  

even when it’s hard                            You are still God & Your ways are good. 

even when it all just falls apart        You are still God & Your ways are good. 

I sat in the conference room and held back silent tears as I listened to the leaders of the company orient us to their principles. A place where big-hearted people held the hands of the dying. In a short time, I came to find this place as having an abundance of compassion and empathy, but lacking in any structure and safety. This place where God had planted me after waiting 11 long months to settle into my nursing career…this place that I was trying to see as a gift, a provision, a lesson to reform and strengthen me. A place that I had hoped would teach me to better live as I held the hand of others and helped them finish living. 

But, there in that conference room, amidst big-hearted people, I sat with grief in my heart. Grief in accepting the reality that I wasn’t starting my career in my passion, Labor and Delivery. Grief in the fact that as much as I wanted to try to embrace this season, this space, these people, something repelled within me…and so I held back silent tears and cried out, ‘Lord, why am I here?’ 

I was trying so hard to find a reason…a reason for the waiting, a reason for the disappointment, a reason for being here…and all the while, God was trying to give me a revelation. 

And there in that conference room, I got the call from that hospital that had denied my application for Labor and Delivery more times than I can count. That call that led to an interview which led to more waiting and more being active in the space of holding the hand of the dying one. 

And then that day, November 17th…I sat next to my nursing preceptor in the home of that 50-something man who’s body had been overcome by cancer and who was fighting for his last days to be dignified and grace-filled. That man who had young children and a wife…a family who cared and asked questions about the final days. This great sense of compassion and completeness I felt in finding that revelation of the preciousness of life within dying days. It was outside that experience, outside that home, that I got the call…

Hello, Lindsey….this is the manager from the Labor and Delivery that you interviewed for….we’d like to offer you the position and we are so excited to have you on our birthing team! Our panel was very impressed by your passion and experience and we believe that you will be a great asset to our team. 

Tears streamed down my face as I so gratefully accepted her kind words and expressed by excitement to accept the opportunity. 

Look among the nations and watch—
Be utterly astounded!
For I will work a work in your days
Which you would not believe, though it were told you.

-Habakkuk 1:5

Your ways, Oh Lord, I truly cannot comprehend. For then, in that moment, it all became so clear. He allowed for hospice, for the opportunity to spend 10 days holding the hands of the dying, seeing the work of compassion and the result of a cherished life. And, in the lack of structure and safety of the organization itself, I grew a confidence that I knew I had to have in order to protect my patients and my license…and I grew an intensified passion for what I wanted- maternal child medicine. 

The past two weeks have felt like a lifetime…starting a new job, interviewing for and accepting an offer for a completely different job, giving notice and now again waiting for the greatly anticipated day of December 7th, when I will begin my work as a Labor and Delivery nurse! 

Even just typing those words feels so surreal. But what peace I feel…It’s now that I truly see the revelation. The journey is what had to happen. Let me never lose sight of this wonder when future days of waiting come…for the waiting is creating a story, a weight of glory that will be revealed in the days to come. And that story of suffering…it gives us context for the rejoicing. 

For the grace, the encouragement, the prayers, and the longsuffering that you, my friends and family have offered…I offer up these two most profound and potent words~ Thank You. 

So this is my story….one of messy grace, a life well-loved, passions whole-heartedly pursued, and a heart desperate for Jesus. I can’t wait to see what He has in store…

Must-Haves: 

*Loving this Maxi Skirt with pockets…this polka-dotted beauty is great with a sweater tucked-in or a tucked tee-shirt and denim jacket! 

*Essential Oil Goodie of the Week: Christmas Spirit Essential Oil– oh my goodness! This is one of my favorite oil blends for the diffuser! It’s Christmas in a bottle and makes your home feel so warm and welcoming! 

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Love on your people & keep in perspective your beautiful legacy in light of eternity.…

Love and Blessings,

 Lindsey xoxo